While
expanding a short story into the novel In
the Red, I realized an uncomfortable truth. My lead character, Jeremiah
Kensington, annoyed me. Not only did he annoy me, but there were times when my
feelings for him bordered on outright antipathy. I’d written characters that
were different than me before, of course, but at least I found a way to get
into their psyche and connect with them enough to finish things. Jeremiah was
my total polar opposite in a lot of ways. I have no doubt that in most cases if
he really existed, he and I would never have more than a brief conversation
with each other. He was a big fat wall between me and my end goal, and I didn’t
have a lot of time to figure out how to scale it. There were similarities
between myself and Jeremiah, but there were some key differences there, too.
Writing became an excavation as I looked for ways to figure out how to access
who Jeremiah was and make the book work.
Jeremiah
starts out in a small town, and I’ve lived in many small, Midwestern locales.
I’ve felt occasional frustration, but nothing close to his resentment. I have
been stuck a few times in my life, and it has built up to some festering
emotions, so I began to play with that. I took voice lessons for a good decade,
so I’d had the experience of gigging around a small-town environment. I also
wished for bigger and better things, but I’m not the type to sit around and
wait for something to happen. I’m a fairly pro-active person, and as I’ve
gotten older I dislike being bitter just because. Still, I can vaguely remember
the times I spent wishing and wishing something would just hurry up and happen so things could be easy! That
went into Jeremiah’s character, as well. In a lot of ways, he starts out with
childish demands and expectations – it isn’t that he’s unlikable (as I first
feared), but he hasn’t really had the chance to become a full person.
To make
matters better for the moment but worse in the long run, he pretty much gets
everything he wants right away. Being out of his element and impressionable,
his instincts aren’t to be suspicious, but to lean on his questionable new band
members and manager for advice, instruction, and everything else. I will admit
that I like to be in control. I don’t like unanswered questions, and I sure as
hell wouldn’t just go along for the ride with a huge life change the way
Jeremiah does. And yet…this was strangely where I began to feel for him. I
don’t know if it was pity or sympathy, but it helped me begin to warm to his
unique situation. Plus, I will admit, that there is a bit of the ‘yearning to
be a rock star’ in me, as well. I love the genre; I’m an unfortunate walking
Wikipedia of classic rock, and I have a guilty love of rock n’ roll urban
legends. It was a fun time plunging him into an alter ego and playing up the
bad behavior. The thrill he got from being onstage I definitely knew – albeit
for different reasons – and could definitely identify with. His anxiety at not
being enough was all too close to home, too.
At some
point my sympathy for Jeremiah and my love of music and fantasy took hold and
guided me towards what was supposed to be the ending, but was really only the
midpoint of the book. That was one of the most surprising moments of all. I’d
assumed that I’d end things on a dark note, keep it edgy, keep it somewhat in
the same tone as the fairy tale that had inspired me.
I couldn’t
do it. I couldn’t leave him in that place. Whether it was because I
instinctively knew there was more story to tell or because I’ve felt lost,
alone, and helpless at times, I’m not sure. But before I realized what I was
really doing, I began the second section of the book, and started the roller
coaster all over again. Jeremiah wasn’t the type to immediately change and
reconsider his actions. He clings to what’s familiar, and that I definitely
understood. I understood his frustrations with himself, his disappointments,
and his struggles. I was also lucky that a whole new cast of supporting
characters crawled out of the woodwork, and through their eyes I was able to
see a whole new side to the character that had ticked me off so righteously.
And this spark of possibility, this was a character I cared about. This was a
character I wanted to see come out with at least a possibility of being okay.
This was someone I maybe couldn’t exactly identify with, but at least it was
someone I could relate to…and even grow to like very much.
About the Author:
Selah Janel
has been blessed with a giant imagination since she was little and convinced
that fairies lived in the nearby state park or vampires hid in the abandoned
barns outside of town. Her appreciation for a good story was enhanced by a love
of reading, the many talented storytellers that surrounded her, and a healthy
curiosity for everything. A talent for warping everything she learned didn’t
hurt, either. She gravitates to writing fantasy and horror, but can be
convinced to pursue any genre if the idea is good enough. Often her stories
feature the unknown creeping into the “real” world and she loves to find the
magical in the mundane.
Author Links:
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thanks for leaving a comment! :) I love reading each one.